I just didn’t have it within me to share my gift. Life echoed back and forth a question I chose to cling to: “Who’s reading anyway?” and I answered with procrastination. I am sure you are familiar with procrastination: “the great put off!” We somehow find ways to put off nurturing a gift God has given. This “great put off” for me was my intentional pause. My lack of writing was not for a lack of time, we are all gifted with the same 24 hours. Within my procrastination, there surfaced lies I chose to believe and justified an intentional pause. But God. God used this time and stepped in to revealed an unknown fear I needed to face. A fear that could keep us all from sharing our God-given gifts and keep us in procrastination.
In my procrastination, I became justified in the “pause” I placed on writing. It became easier to embrace a lie that came in the form of the disturbing question: “Who’s reading anyway?” Sometimes it’s easier to live out a lie than seek truth. Seeking the truth requires courage to face fears that linger. In my “pause” I was holding back from sharing my gift, a gift when surrendered, could be used mightily.
What was my intentional pause that justified procrastination? As I shared, over the past 7 months, my writing has been placed on the back burner. During this time, I became focused on creating an avoidance that secured NOT facing what I was feeling about my gift. I found a way to believe that there was not enough time and I was too busy. My thought was, I work in retail for my “real job” so it was the time of year, the holidays. It became more convenient to start tomorrow…next week…next year…I’ll eventually pick it up, right?
Well..Self doubt set in and furthered my justification. I was overdrawn on excuses, maxed out on “just forget its” and projection of “Who’s reading anyway?” This was the question that created excuses to place an intentional pause on my writing.
Thank God He caught me in my intentional pause because as I began to pull back the excuses and procrastination, I uncovered the fear I needed to face. The fear of NOT GOOD ENOUGH. THIS was the real reason “I did’t have time” any why I bought into “I’ll start tomorrow.” A lingering fear of “Who’s going to read this anyway?” gave me permission to say “no” to being obedient to God and saying this gift you have given me is not good enough.
Thank God He redirected me in my intentional pause because throughout my 7 month sabbatical, the gentle nudge within never went away. This desire to share through written word, a God-given gift, never left and therefore my purpose never left. God used my intentional pause to reveal what I was running from, a fear of NOT GOOD ENOUGH. NOT GOOD ENOUGH was at the root, an overwhelming desire to ensure every blog was polished and perfected before I hit publish. Don’t get me wrong, I am an advocate for putting your best work out there and developing your gift, all important. It was dwelling in the “NOT GOOD ENOUGH mentality” that God showed me I was relying on my own abilities and not fully trusting in his ability to share through me.
Thank God He reminded me of His love in my intentional pause because through God’s love and mercy he guided me back to truth and purpose. God reminded me of His love for me and who he is; LOVE. Perfect love drives out fear. (1 John 4:18). Sharing my gift is not about being good enough, it’s about listening and following the leading from within. His love reminded me that when He prompts me share, I have got to share. With this obedience there is a knowing that I play a part in the bigger picture of when I glorify Him through my gift He is drawing all men to Him. Through His love I am reminded of what is more important than my abilities and that is my obedience to the call and sharing the gift to encourage and uplift others.
Maybe you have placed a gift on an intentional pause. You could have believed a lie that granted permission to procrastination like I had. Your gift may seem small, it may feel insignificant or you may have felt NOT GOOD ENOUGH to share your gift at all. So heres to the intentional pause that you have placed on the your gift and a reminder that God has blessed you with a gift that is to be to shared with others for the bigger purpose to draw others unto Him.
When we step out in faith, nurture and develop the gift we’ve been given this brings glory to God and lifts His name. We are here for love and a bigger purpose. Beloved, God has given us each unique gifts to share for such a time as this! How will you let go of your intentional pause and allow God to use the gifts He has given you to glorify Him?